One for the Blue Jar

Time is flying. I want to make each moment count. When I missed Wednesday's workout, I was very disappointed and frustrated. I got sick as a dog on a piece of fish the evening before, and was up all night feeling like crap. I didn't even have to hit the snooze button. But I got to tell ya, a pervasive guilt washed over me all of Wednesday. I had nothing to feel demoralized about because the illness was legitimate. But I did anyway.

Why do I even mention it? Because I didn't just roll over and say, "Yippee, I have a good excuse to sleep in this morning!" (lol)I was totally bummed. And maybe that's a good thing! Sometimes a little guilt can be a signal that I am changing. I always know I'm evolving in a healthy groove when I askew the process and feel my conscience talking to me, or my body begins to notice the absence of my daily workout.

I'm not yet at that point where I can detect those physical nuances like years ago. Back then, I was so in touch with my body it let me know when I missed my daily workout even by one day. But the good news is that obviously my psyche perceived something was amiss. It told me that I am evolving mentally from my stagnant and convention-ridden state, and my brain is processing a new habit in the mix. This is becoming my new norm, a lifestyle that includes daily exercise and activity. And it was also crying "Foul" when I missed my workout! (lol)

Yes, I like the idea that my psyche is recognizing my fitness groove as it new comfort zone. The issue that frustrates me and probably all of us at times, is managing the guilt and other negative feelings that can thrust me in a danger zone. I sometimes don't do that well. And I didn't do it well on Wed.

Remember that yellow jar I dropped a penny in for winning over my temptation of ice cream the other day? Not so lucky Wed. This time I had to drop a penny in the blue jar. Uh-huh......the ice cream demons paid me a visit. I succumbed to a generous dip of mint chocolate chip ice cream. And I must admit it tasted delectable sliding down my parched throat; for every bit of 5 minutes! A 5 minute joyride that will take me about 25 minutes of blood and sweat on the elliptical trainer! Arrrrh! (lol)

This is difficult for me to acknowledge, but acknowledging it is part of accountability and that will keep me on the straight and narrow. It will also force me to move beyond my comfort zone. How much more comfortable would it be to keep it a secret!

Its exceptionally tough to admit I let myself down. How could I do that? Brian had even alerted us to the dangers of an overzealous appetite and undoing all the hard work in camp. His email after the Nutrition Seminar was right on.

This decision to self-sabotage could seduce me to ramp up my cycle of guilt even further if I don't watch it. I've seen it before. Interesting how one good step can lead to another, and one negative impulse can lead to a domino effect if you let it.

I decided, "Enough already"! I'm gonna have to cut those ice cream demons at the crossroads, and get back to camp early Thursday morning with more determination than ever. I also promise myself to keep a juicy piece of fruit available for those times when I need to indulge in something sweet and luscious. I need to get back to practicing all my good habits, and the bad habits will happen less often.

I always try to give myself something positive to ponder when I fail myself or make a mistake. What have I learned from this little experience? I need to get real with myself and learn how to handle my frustrations and impulses without medicating with food. I also need to be aware that I may inadvertently use food to reward myself if I've worked out hard and feel elated. Yes, happy happy feelings can create desires for luscious little sweets, too! (l0l) For me, any feeling too far in any direction can get my cravings triggered.

The moral of my story: Stop fretting over my mistakes and failures and get back on track, pronto, with my program of transformation. It may take practice, but the pinK tiger is not going to continue to let that vicious cycle of guilt or an emotional snag take control and swallow me up like a pit of quick sand. Not gonna give it that kind of power.

And I can feel great that my mindset is adopting a new healthy comfort zone with my workout routine! That is worthy of celebration.....sans the mint chip ice cream! (lol) : )

With that said, its back in the saddle starting with my bootcamp at the Fitness Edge. Hope you will be there to join me! : )

pinK tiger