My Thanksgiving Lesson

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I must say that it was a challenge for me. I didn't have the usual problem people have with a holiday that surrounds itself with plenty of yummy food, and lots of family and friends who might take me off course. It was perhaps just the opposite.


Most people have to overtly discipline themselves to watch what they eat when the Thanksgiving Feast comes. It offers many tasty selections with the encouragement to eat a second helping, and maybe a third. It must be even more difficult for someone who has more than one family to visit, and needs to eat a little at both meals to be gracious.


But by the same token, it is just as difficult to deal with holidays when you have no family to be part of; when life's circumstances create a situation where you belong nowhere and have only yourself. There are probably many people who have no place to be, more than you might think, and yet luckily we have friends who usually take us in.


However, we can never take this for granted, and it is truly a gift when a friend opens their heart to invite us in from the cold. It is something that none of us single people without parents or family can ever expect. Each year anyone of us may feel like an adult orphan. We may never know from one year to the next where we may end up for the holidays. That is simply Life. Life can change on a dime and take you somewhere you never imagined you'd be.


Yes, when our friendly or arbitrary invitations fall through, and our friends can not accommodate us for whatever reason......there can be a myriad of emotions that flood our system regardless of the brave and positive front we try to put up for ourselves. Sometimes feelings of loneliness, sadness, grief, or just boredom can make it difficult to eat clean on those days, whether you have a feast or not.


Grief likes to knock on the door on holidays and take us back to the wounds and the pain we experienced when we lost our loved ones. I have lost many important people to death on my earthly journey, including both my parents, a husband, 2 very close friends (one being my best friend), and 1 boyfriend. Unfortunately I don't have children.


Grief somehow reminds your heart of your loss even when you don't want to go there. And it seemingly operates with the accuracy of a computer. Anniversaries and holidays can be very tough and they are triggers. Sometimes it can take years to heal enough so that a holiday can once again be a joyous occasion.


As I get older, I have come to realize that loss will accelerate in my life as I age, and I need to accept and learn how to deal with it. It never gets easy. The holidays are a poignant reminder.


These emotions can be powerful and really set you up if you aren't prepared. It was that way for me. When my invitation fell through with a long loved friend due to their own family issues, I found myself wandering to the cupboards frequently through the day to fill the emptiness in my heart. It was almost like being on auto-pilot.


The good thing was that I didn't give in to my temptations just because I searched and rummaged the cupboards and the refrigerator. In fact, it was interesting to watch myself do this!


Instead, I tried to preoccupy myself with something else and took a couple of walks to do something positive. I left text and phone messages to my friends wishing them a wonderful Happy Thanksgiving, because one of the most important things I've learned on my journey of being alone, is that being pro-active in thinking of others can be the saving grace. Grace can begotten more from giving than in receiving. It can be the lifeline that gets your mind off yourself.


I did surprisingly well on Thanksgiving, fighting the urge to piece and nibble. However on Friday, I had walked through the stores for hours, and I got hungry. I went to the grocery to buy some healthy foods, but impulsively picked up a small package of mini cookies on the way out from the cash register. It totaled about 400 calories for the little bag. And it was really a little bag!


The most unfortunate part of that erratic decision was that I didn't even eat them in a manner which constituted enjoyment. I opened up the package to taste one, and then mindlessly ate them all in the car on my way home. My mind was a million miles away in the five or ten minutes it took to munch on them. Before I knew it, I looked down and like magic, they were all gone. Not a very satisfactory way to consume such a high caloric treat!


It reinforced to me that we can slip back to our sabotaging ways before we even know it.


It also reminded me of a book I once read years ago, called "Feeding the Hungry Heart". It took the perspective that food usually isn't the problem. For most women who have problems with eating correctly (when we know what to do), we sometimes use food to fill the emptiness in our hearts. It can be a very sobering thought to pull yourself from denial and admit your heart is hungry for something it is lacking.


I was disappointed in myself, but I admit that eating correctly when under emotional duress can be problematic for me. So I will take a page from Brian's notes, and make this another lesson that I can use to learn going forwards. As he has often taught us, we have a choice on how we respond to life's events. We can choose to live life with courage and thank God for our blessings. Life is so much sweeter when you choose to live with gratitude in your heart.


No, I did not do Thanksgiving weekend perfectly; yet I have chosen not to berate myself because I was less than perfect. I will get back on my horse and keep riding. I am grateful for all the years my friends have cared for me, and am fortunate that there has been only a handful of holidays I've ever spent alone. I even want to say thank you to the Rocket for offering me an invitation with her fiancee and his family just the day before Thanksgiving. Always so thoughtful and caring......that's the Rocket. Next year I might take you up on it sweet friend! :)


The lesson for me? I will be prepared next time for the unexpected. I will be prepared for Christmas whether I spend it with friends or by myself. I will have Option B in place. I will have an activity planned, volunteer for the Salvation Army, and cook a healthy meal for myself regardless of what the rest of the world is doing. I will be prepared to succeed. I will celebrate myself. And I will find delight in my own company.


And isn't that the best Christmas present any of us can give to ourselves? A demonstration of self love that doesn't waiver under any circumstances.


It will be a happy day to return to my Adventure family and get back in the routine that I am so very grateful to have in my life. For me, my "Thanksgiving" comes 5 days a week, not just once a year! That's a lot to enjoy!


the pinK tiger....
......its always Thanksgiving for me!